Recently I was having a conversation with my friends and family about the type of daughter I want to raise one day. The topic of obedience came up and there were mixed feelings about having an obedient child. It was then and there I decided I don’t want an obedient daughter and here’s why. If she is obedient to me and my future husband, she is going to be obedient to other people. Now I realize there are some cases where I am going to want her to be obedient; however my goal will be to teach my daughter to trust her instincts and make decisions for herself rather than just do what other people tell her to do.
1. Not everyone is going to have her best interest at heart
There are going to be people in my daughter’s life that are going to have her best interest at heart. Teachers, family members, friends, etc and there are going to be people who aren’t. It’s as simple as that and I want to teach my daughter to discern the difference. I believe she will be submissive to a violent boyfriend or be easily influenced by negative peers. If she never learned to stand up for herself and say no, will she be able to do it when she really needs to?
2. She needs to learn to trust her instincts
I want my daughter to learn to trust her instincts and get out of situations that are potentially dangerous. When my daughter gets to college, I want her to be a free and independent thinker so she can get herself out of sticky situations because they are bound to show up. This came up for me while I was working. At times, I was asked to do things at work that were against my belief system. If I was taught to be obedient, I would have done them. I want my daughter to trust her instincts and say no even when an authority figure has asked her to do it.
3. I want my daughter to question things in life
Many great things in life came out of something questioning and challenging the status quo, so why not my daughter? Will she be destined to do great things and be a change agent? Who knows but I want to arm her with all the skills she will need to be whatever she wants to be. If she wants to implement a recycling program at her school where none exists, I want her to be able to use her voice to get that done. If she wants to do nothing with her skills, fine by me too. I just want her to have the opportunity and ability to be curious about life and the world and not just keep the status quo going because that’s what it’s always been.
My youngest sister is probably going to kill me for what I am about to write but as a child her nickname was “The Kid From Hell”. She was defiant and needy and didn’t take no for an answer. While I can attest that this was extremely annoying as a child as a young adult she has taken these skills and been able to create a life she loves because she doesn’t take no for an answer for it comes to her career, she loves to travel and makes it a huge priority in her life and she knows how to set boundaries in order to get what she wants in life. Her natural disposition, especially as a Leo, is to question and challenge; however she learned at a very early age that being compliant wasn’t for sure. I hope one day to have a daughter as sassy and spirited as my little sister!
Amanda Landry, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-378-5381 or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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