What I Learned From Serial Dating
Posted: January 12, 2016
In a former life, I was a serial dater. That is a real and honest confession and at one point, hard for me to admit. I tried all the websites, except for the racy ones like Ashley Madison or the really specific ones like Farmer’s Only. While I don’t regret my stint as a serial dater, I definitely learned a lot about myself, love and men.
1. I should have went on less dates and did more things I enjoyed
I have never looked back and thought “I should have went out on one more date”. Looking back, I could have gone on less dates and spent more time doing yoga, hanging out with my nephew or simply just watching Netflix at home.
2. I needed to stop looking everywhere
It was like an obsession. I would look for men EVERYWHERE. The grocery store, the gym, Target, bars, clubs, Facebook, online dating sites, friends of friends, etc. It was so tiring!
3. Some men want commitment, some don’t, just like women
I went out with a wide variety of people. Some men wanted to commit and some men didn’t. It was as simple as that. Some men were amazing guys and some men needed to grow-up. I stopped lumping men all into one category.
4. I needed to love myself 100%
Over the past four years, I put myself through therapy, personal development courses, acupuncture, coaching, journaling, and just about every self-help strategy known to man. My goal was to love myself 100%. Mission accomplished.
5. Timing is everything
While I looked and looked and looked, I also worked really hard to shift my business and get really settled in life. Once I opened Caring Therapists of Broward, I shifted my life enough and became very settled in who I am and what I was doing that the right relationship was naturally able to develop. No need to force or push or stay in something that wasn’t working.
6. Trust my gut, especially if something is off
I gave some people a second chance when I should have trusted my gut. Luckily, I never found myself in a really bad position; however I did find myself in many annoying positions. I needed to learn to trust my gut better and when it wasn’t a fit, it wasn’t a fit. Had I have done that, I could have spent more nights with my dog snuggled up watching movies, instead of going out on second dates with guys I knew I would never date.
7. Represent yourself in the most authentic way
I always kept my pictures current and accurate. They may have been my best current and accurate pictures but they were still a true representation of who I am. Would it be easier if we all just did this? Let everyone see who we really are so there aren’t any games? That something I learned and plan to stick by.
8. Run away from men with certain issues
There are some men with mommy issues or with addiction problems. I have this way of saying “run away” to my friends and family when we talk about these type of issues. This goes along with trusting your gut. There is no fixing men or anyone for that matter. People aren’t going to change and you can’t will things to get better. Therefore, learn what your deal breakers are and then RUN AWAY!
9. Learn about attachment styles and what fits you
Read Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin. It teaches you about waves, islands and anchors, which are attachment styles. It is important know your attachment style and the attachment style of the person you want to date. I recommend this book to all my clients working on relationship issues.
10. In the end it all works out
Isn’t this what life is all about? How random and chaotic events end up coming together in the end. That’s certainly how it worked out for me and I think it can work out for everyone that way, too.
I’ve retired my job as a serial dater and look forward to continuing to help my clients find love in their lives, as well as deepen the connection I have with my significant other. Happy hunting everyone!
1. I should have went on less dates and did more things I enjoyed
I have never looked back and thought “I should have went out on one more date”. Looking back, I could have gone on less dates and spent more time doing yoga, hanging out with my nephew or simply just watching Netflix at home.
2. I needed to stop looking everywhere
It was like an obsession. I would look for men EVERYWHERE. The grocery store, the gym, Target, bars, clubs, Facebook, online dating sites, friends of friends, etc. It was so tiring!
3. Some men want commitment, some don’t, just like women
I went out with a wide variety of people. Some men wanted to commit and some men didn’t. It was as simple as that. Some men were amazing guys and some men needed to grow-up. I stopped lumping men all into one category.
4. I needed to love myself 100%
Over the past four years, I put myself through therapy, personal development courses, acupuncture, coaching, journaling, and just about every self-help strategy known to man. My goal was to love myself 100%. Mission accomplished.
5. Timing is everything
While I looked and looked and looked, I also worked really hard to shift my business and get really settled in life. Once I opened Caring Therapists of Broward, I shifted my life enough and became very settled in who I am and what I was doing that the right relationship was naturally able to develop. No need to force or push or stay in something that wasn’t working.
6. Trust my gut, especially if something is off
I gave some people a second chance when I should have trusted my gut. Luckily, I never found myself in a really bad position; however I did find myself in many annoying positions. I needed to learn to trust my gut better and when it wasn’t a fit, it wasn’t a fit. Had I have done that, I could have spent more nights with my dog snuggled up watching movies, instead of going out on second dates with guys I knew I would never date.
7. Represent yourself in the most authentic way
I always kept my pictures current and accurate. They may have been my best current and accurate pictures but they were still a true representation of who I am. Would it be easier if we all just did this? Let everyone see who we really are so there aren’t any games? That something I learned and plan to stick by.
8. Run away from men with certain issues
There are some men with mommy issues or with addiction problems. I have this way of saying “run away” to my friends and family when we talk about these type of issues. This goes along with trusting your gut. There is no fixing men or anyone for that matter. People aren’t going to change and you can’t will things to get better. Therefore, learn what your deal breakers are and then RUN AWAY!
9. Learn about attachment styles and what fits you
Read Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin. It teaches you about waves, islands and anchors, which are attachment styles. It is important know your attachment style and the attachment style of the person you want to date. I recommend this book to all my clients working on relationship issues.
10. In the end it all works out
Isn’t this what life is all about? How random and chaotic events end up coming together in the end. That’s certainly how it worked out for me and I think it can work out for everyone that way, too.
I’ve retired my job as a serial dater and look forward to continuing to help my clients find love in their lives, as well as deepen the connection I have with my significant other. Happy hunting everyone!
Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-378-5381 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.