5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries with Your Toddler or Teen
Posted: August 15, 2016
- Understand what a boundary is – A boundary is a set of ground rules and self-identified limits that you set for yourself to help determine when others are acting in a way that you believe isn’t safe, allowable, or reasonable for you. It also allows you to determine how you can react/respond to the person when they overstep your boundaries.
- Know how to set an appropriate boundary - It’s important for boundaries to be clear, consistent, and age appropriate. Boundaries are an agreement you make with your child. For example, you wouldn’t put a seventeen year old in time out just as you wouldn’t give a seven year old an eleven o’clock curfew. Also, if you say there is going to be a consequence follow through.
- Sit with the uncomfortability of boundaries – When we fail to set appropriate boundaries from the beginning it can be uncomfortable when we start setting them. Boundaries are meant to reduce conflict and build trust. Understand that those may both take time in the beginning because there will be some resistance.
- When in doubt, talk it out – Have open (age-appropriate) communication with your child. Having a conversation about the boundaries and limits you are setting and the consequences for overstepping is a critical part in setting boundaries. Teens and toddlers are more likely to adapt to loving boundaries as opposed to harsh and critical.
- Respect your toddler or teens boundaries – Respect your toddler or teen’s boundaries – I think about when I was a kid or my nieces and nephews as I write this one. When they are told to give someone a hug or to kiss good-bye and they don’t want to it’s considered “rude”. The reality is, if we are being honest, they could just be setting a boundary. At that moment they don’t want someone invading their personal space. Listen when they are telling you they can do it themselves.
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